“KarFei, you will not win this competition. I will not allow that to happen.”
That statement struck me so hard. Why? Why would my mentor not want me to win? After all, I am one of the best in the competition, I did pretty well, and I do deserve it for all the effort I put in.
I could not understand it. It just does not make sense to me that my own mentor does not want me to win.
To add salt to injury, I was not even selected to be a finalist – there is remotely NO chance for me to even try harder to win. It all went crashing down for me.
I was frustrated.
I was pissed.
I was crushed.
Imagine a hobby, passion, that you are so good at and you could not win it because your mentor does not want to give you the chance to do so? It sounds like a big ass conspiracy trying to screw you over, no?
In that moment, I can either let my frustration creates meaning to this experience I had or I can discover the true meaning behind what happened. I decide on the latter.
I went up to my mentor and instead of asking him why this happened to me, I shared with him my feeling and my emotions. And to my horror (and confusion), he congratulated me.
He congratulated me and said he was happy for me for acknowledging and embracing my feeling and emotions and be open about it. Then he told me, “KarFei, you are really good at what you do. You deserve a shot at winning. But I realized, allowing you to win is more detrimental to you than losing.” And his next sentence is where it hits home, real hard.
“You always want to win so badly, that you forget to enjoy what you do. Winning became your end goal, not the process, and certainly not why you do what you do.”
That statement feels as if a knife just stabbed through my heart. The pain is just, unbearable. It feels real. But on top of the pain, there is a sign of relief – a sign of huge and heavy burden being lifted off my shoulder.
Flashes of what I have been doing appeared on my mind like a movie reel – my desire to be better than others, my want to win over my competitors, my craving for more certifications to prove myself, my need to be the best, the youngest, the only.
I smiled, I chuckled, I laughed, with a little tear on my eyes. And all my mentor did was smirking while looking at me. He then said,
“This competition was never about the best skilled participant, the most competent, or the most highly trained. It has always been about transformation. And for you to have that transformation, it is by losing – losing the need to win, the need to looks good, the need to be perfect. You have just won by losing.”
That short 5-minute conversation has created such massive breakthrough in my life. I realized that play to win is important, it helps you to grow, to challenge yourself, to create a competitive environment to thrive.
Make sure when you play to win, you don’t play to lose yourself.
The key here is not to lose yourself in the process of playing to win. I have seen so many people who did the same mistake – when they try to win in different areas of their lives, they start to lose our who they are or even make losses in other areas of their lives.
Don’t allow this mistake to happen to you.
1. Never, ever forget why you do what you do.
It is easy to see that everyone else in the world is doing better, living a more successful life, happier, or richer. And if you decide or make decision based on all these false evidences, you will live a miserable life, because you are constantly trying to play catch up with other people’s lives but yours.
Make decisions based on what you feel is right for you. Ask yourself, whatever decision I am going to make, is it helping me to achieve my goals or it’s just merely allowing me to prove myself?
2. Enjoy every single moment of your masterpiece.
I have coached, trained, and mentored a lot in the past few years – from young leaders to big corporations. They are great achievement for me, but looking back in hindsight now, I realized I did not soak myself into the process of creating those magical moments to all my clients. I try to deliver perfection, not the best to my clients because I want to win. Winning for me equals to having everything down to perfection. I was so wrong.
Treat the process of your work as if you are creating a masterpiece, as if you are creating the next big thing. And as my mentor said it, when you are too busy thinking about what others would think about you or your work, they are probably too busy thinking about what others are thinking about their work.
Do not worry about what others might think. No one has got time for that.
I forgot that every coaching sessions that I had was a masterpiece on its own. The insights, the “light bulb” moment, or the decision to change in my clients happen all the time and I forgot to enjoy myself in that process of creation.
As I am writing this, I was asking myself, how can I teach people this so that they too can enjoy the process of creating their best lives and at the same time, living their lives at the fullest? So I have decided to give my time to people who want this.
This lesson turned out to be one of the biggest blessings in my life. It helped me to create a transformational program I never thought I could do. I created a FREE Life Redesign video series to help you close 2018 and kickstart 2019 with positive momentum.
Learn about it here.
If you are looking for breakthrough in your life, this video series will really help you. At the end of the day, it is FREE. What is there to lose?