Anger. The most dangerous impulse that overwrites the logical brain at the speed of light. You lose control of yourself, you can’t think straight anymore and in the process of that, you hurt your loved ones. And you blamed yourself for hurting them. Break the cycle of anger and guilt by using a simple formula that I share in this article.
Imagine yourself entering a cafe and sit at the usual corner. You order your favorite coffee. The waiter approaches, ready to serve the amazing coffee to you. You heard a soft “bang” sound from your feet and the next thing you knew, your shirt and pants were covered in coffee. And worse, you have an important meeting with a big client later.
How do you feel? Angry? Frustrated?
I would flip and go crazy if this were to happen me a few years ago. But now, I’d smile at the waiter and tell him, “It’s okay.” If I don’t have a change of clothes, I just need to wipe with a wet tissue and explain to my client. Who knows, maybe we’ll find a common interest, i.e., coffee.
The million dollar question is, how to stay calm when your anger is about to explode?
This has nothing to do with suppressing or ignoring anger. How you react is determined by one and one thing only, the way you see.
If you perceive the accident as the end of the world, the deal will fail, or the expensive shirt is a gone case, of course, you’ll flip!
But what if you perceive the accident as an opportunity to get a new set of clothes because you’ve been wearing the same set for 10 years, or to strike a conversation with your client, or simply a way to observe your reactions?
Regardless of what happens to you, you can always choose between,
Life happens TO me or FOR me
When you choose to believe that life happens FOR you, you’ll perceive every single accident, incident, mishaps or events exist to make you stronger, more resilient, and helps you to be better.
There is a simple formula for this.
It’s not easy to adopt the belief that Life happens FOR you, BUT, you can hack it by taking 3 full deep breaths and ask yourself, “Do I want to allow this to control me?”
The formula behind this question is E (event) + R (response) = O (outcome)
All events are neutral, so they’re 0. If you respond with anger, frustration or in any negative way, your Response is -1. Hence, you will get a negative Outcome for the rest of the day. However, if you Respond with joy, gratitude or in any positive way, you’ll get a positive Outcome.
Seriously, are you going to let such a petty accident to ruin your entire day? I trust you’ll say a big NO! Catch yourself before anger full takes over, take a full deep breath and ask yourself, “Do I want to allow this to control me?”
Remember, Everything in life happens FOR you.